God, I hate how you made me

I’ve been a lot of different women in my life.

I’ve been the girl who clocked in at 200 lbs, and I’ve been the girl who hit 115 lbs. I’ve had a pixie haircut, and I’ve had hair long enough to touch my pant line. There was a version of me that wouldn’t dream of leaving the house without the “full works”—we’re talking full-coverage foundation, sharp brows, eyeshadow, and the perfect lip. And then there’s the version of me today who… well, let’s just say I’ve embraced the “bare-faced and breathing” look.

I’ve chased the high of expensive labels and designer shoes, and I’ve also spent Saturday mornings hunting through the bins at Goodwill, hitting up garage sales, or digging through second-hand stores.

Buying a Version of Myself I Liked

As I’ve grown older and matured a lot (Thank God), the changes haven’t just been in the mirror. They were happening in my bank account, too. I used to look at the Creator and say, “I hate how You made me,” so I tried to buy a “better” version of myself.

I spent years dropping full paychecks on expensive things I didn’t even need. They didn’t make me feel any better. Looking back, I have to ask myself the hard questions: Why was I doing that? Did those shoes actually make me feel better? Or was it just the fact that I could say I had them, or the thought that I was even able to spend that amount of money on an item?

Was I letting my ego and pride become the amount of money I could flash to others to “wow” them?

Spoiler alert: It didn’t work. None of it did anything for me. Honestly, it just left me feeling no different, with nothing but a temporary “retail high” and a wallet that said I was a dummy for being broke over things that didn’t matter.

Picking at the Masterpiece

I was trying to edit a manuscript that was already finished. I’d find a flaw, fixate on it, and then try to dress it up, starve it away, or paint over it. I thought if I could just get the external “math” right—the right weight + the right clothes + the right makeup—I’d finally be “very good.”

If I could go back and grab younger me by the shoulders, I’d tell her what I’ve finally matured enough to accept. I’d tell her that our value isn’t a sliding scale based on our waistline, our wardrobe, or how much we can flex on others.

Back to the Beginning

When we get caught up in the “I’m not enough” cycle, we usually try to find the solution in the future—if I lose ten pounds, if I buy that dress, if I can just afford that brand. But the truth isn’t in the future. It’s in the very beginning.

In the NLT, Genesis 1:27 says:

“So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

God made human beings on the 6th day, and He clearly stated He made us in His own image. And a few verses later, in verse 31, it says God looked at everything He made—including those humans He just formed—and said it was “VERY GOOD.”

It’s a Heart Posture

I want you to know that if you are currently standing in front of your mirror picking yourself apart, or if you’re staring at a shopping cart full of things you’re hoping will “fix” your mood—you are not alone. I’ve been there, I’ve spent the money, and I’ve cut the hair.

But we have to stop worrying about the image we don’t have and start loving the image we were given. You are perfect and 100% complete just the way you are.

I mean, could you imagine being born with a full set of nails and your toes already painted? Coming out with hair to your feet, fresh highlights, and a full face of makeup? These things are not bad to have or to want, but they become bad when you feel like you can’t function without them. It’s all in the heart posture.

The Simple Truth

Are you tired of the overthinking? Are you tired of “phoning a friend” just to justify your feelings and get someone to tell you you’re okay? Wanna know a very easy and simple thing to do?

Just look back to what God says about you.

I look at my life now and absolutely love how God made me. I am so thankful and grateful for the growth. Honestly? These days I much prefer my Adam Sandler fit check with my messy bun and off-color flippers over any designer label.

Peace didn’t come until I realized that the Creator of the universe doesn’t make mistakes. You are made in the image of the Most High. Not the 115 lb version of you. Not the 200 lb version of you. Not the version of you in $500 shoes or the version in the Goodwill finds you. God didn’t make a mistake on the 6th day, and He didn’t make a mistake when He made you. You aren’t a project to be finished; you are a reflection of Him to be celebrated.

It’s taken me a lot of years, a lot of different hair lengths, and some very empty bank accounts to realize that His image is the only “look” that actually matters. So, take a deep breath. Put down the “editor’s pen.” You’re already a masterpiece, and honestly? You’re doing great.

Let’s Chat!

• The Mirror Check: What is one “flaw” you’ve been trying to fix or hide that you need to start accepting as “very good” today?
• The Heart Posture: Have you ever caught yourself trying to “buy” a better version of yourself? How did you realize it wasn’t actually filling the gap?
• The “Adam Sandler” Challenge: What is your go-to “comfort fit” that makes you feel most like yourself, messy bun and all?
• The Truth: When you feel the urge to “phone a friend” for validation, what is one specific NLT verse you can look at instead to remind you of whose image you carry?